You’re the type of girl who people look up to because you seem to have it figured out all the tiniest of details. You know what you want and you’re driven to get it. What comes to mind when people first meet you? A girl who’s strong and independent, one who doesn’t have any problem whatsoever doing things on her own and being on her own. You’re the busiest one, the girl no one would see shed a tear because she has her hands full with tiny hints of smiles for everyone . You’re always attending to something, always moving on to something, always on the go. You can never be held back, not for a moment, that’s your life.
See, initial interactions, meet-ups , and scheduled conversations are means of survival for you. But it is when the small talks are over, when it’s time for the getting to know part, when someone takes an interest in you—be it a potential friend or something else—that you back off and your walls automatically draw up. Without warning, they rise up, up, up until no one can reach them. They’re too strong to break through. No one can go around it, under it, over it, or through it. No one has figured out how yet. People knock on your walls, practically asking you to let them in, to maybe make way for them, but you refuse. You won’t let anyone come close to your freedom. A freedom where you reign. You’re like the charismatic but guarded girl in popular movies.
See, you weren’t always this way. Once upon a time, you were carefree. You loved, you cared, you thought, you trusted, you believed, you invested, probably more than the average person would. You had so much of it to give and you didn’t mind. But then what you freely gave, someone took for granted. Someone deemed unworthy of their precious time.What you held on to be true for so long had been a lie all along. You gave all only to lose all, to be made to look like a fool while hurting. Deep down, you believed you deserved a sliver of something good. Instead, all you were left with was nothing. Your faith was shattered.
You vowed never to love, to care, to think, to trust, to believe, or to invest. In its place were blank spaces, you vowed to never feel again. And then your walls built itself around you; slowly but surely, it grew. Over time, you have successfully rebuilt your life to be your safety ,to be entirely yours. It is, after all, what you’ll always have and it won’t hurt you. You have absolutely no room left for other people. You left the emotion part out of the equation. Who needs it anyway.
But you have to see that we humans aren’t wired that way. To be human means having all these feelings and emotions. Being alive is beautiful because of human connections that go beyond surface level . Living means taking risks, having faith and it means the capacity to feel pain. Living is putting everything up in the air and to lose it all in the end. You have to understand how important it still is to let people into your life. You have to understand a life is not a life lived without meaningful purpose. Life is too beautiful to be lived on your lone self. It’s true, there are people out there who will still hurt you but there will also be people that will love you fully and without judgment. But first, you have to give them a chance to break your walls brick by brick. It will take time but when you finally do, it will be worth it.
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